1. I’ve learned that wherever you go, there you are. No truer words have been spoken, there’s simply no escaping yourself. I naively thought that community living could be the answer to my problems, might soothe the lifelong solitude in my soul, but was rapidly disavowed of this notion.
2. In a similar vein, I’ve learned that the only zen you’ll find at the top of a mountain is the zen you take up there with you. All the failed attempts at establishing a regular meditation practice at home, continued in earnest while living in community. Beyond the daily community requirements of the 6am morning yoga and sit, frankly I was no more successful at establishing a committed spiritual practice than at home.
Unexpectedly, for me, learning to drop the self-aggression and criticism around this has been the most valuable practice. As Ajahn Sumedho says “Right now, it’s like this”. Next month or next year, I may develop into a world class meditator, but right now, it’s like this. [click to continue…]